Here and now
As great as it was to spend a whole weekend with my girlfriend, it has been even harder ever since. That week, all we did was everyday stuff, ran the kids around, went to their sports, worked. Which made it not feel like a vacation, but like I belonged there. Which was great, while I was there. The problem is, it made my real home life feel not so much like home anymore.
All I think about when I’m alone now is how much I want to be there. I realize one week doesn’t show how we’ll be actually living together. I realize to drop everything here and move there would be a huge step. I realize our love for each other doesn’t mean we will always get along. I also realize that I don’t care. I can’t stop thinking about the times we have spent together and how happy I am during those times. It sounds corny but it is so true with us, we complete each other.
It doesn’t feel fair that we can be so much in love and we can’t even live in the same state. It feels like I’ve done something wrong and am being punished, it is torture. Thank God for technology. We text while we’re at work, talk on the phone every chance we get (had a 6 hr. 39 min. conversation the other night) and IM when we’re both sitting at home on our computers. As much as we talk or chat, I want more. Maybe I’m being selfish for not being content on what we have but she does so much for me that I haven’t had in a long time. She makes me feel loved. With her words and her voice, with her looks and her touch. She actually wants to be around me and I have missed having that feeling of someone who loves me the way she does. Hell, I may have never had that feeling, I just don’t know anymore.
It’s not fair that the one person who makes me extremely happy lives 600 miles. Don’t give me this crap about life isn’t fair and blah, blah, blah. I don’t care, it isn’t fair and it most certainly sucks. We have both discussed this and we both feel it’s better to have what we do then not have anything at all so we’re both in for the long haul. I just hope, for both our mental states, that it isn’t too long of a haul.
