Jeff’s blog

As 2009 has closed, I decided to reflect on the year past and this years plans.

2009 started out alright, towards the beginning of the year, my wife and I started renting a fairly big house here in Wakarusa. Great school system for the kids, great small town atmosphere. Samantha was going to school with her cousins and both kids liked the new place. Their rooms were huge and I think they just loved the change. I got to help coach Samantha’s baseball team and had a blast and she loved having her daddy on the team. Something I looked forward to since I had kids and I can’t wait to do it again.

I’ve watched my kids grow this year. Both are getting tall and growing so fast. Samantha started 2nd grade in the fall, played her first year of pitch baseball, had a blast doing gymnastics. started going over to friends houses, is really become a great reader. Trevor finally potty trained, learned to ride his bike, learned to write his name and to count, started pre-school, and is just starting to become his own person. Both are really great kids and I am a lucky parent.

Then it started falling apart. I guess I had known for awhile, maybe even for years, but it really started to sink in that my wife no longer loved me. I had thought about leaving for a long time but I think I was comfortable and I kept telling myself that is just how she was. But the final straw was when she turned down the position to get back on 1st. The position that would have put her back in our families lives. As it was then, I saw her for a few minutes between my shift and hers and for about 20 minutes when she got home and that was it. She saw the kids even less so when she turned down that position I was pissed, I was hurt, I was crushed. That was the final straw, it sank in that there was no more love. I had still loved her at this point, of that I have no doubts. In the next few months, I saw everything else in a new light and saw all the signs I had been ignoring for what they were. I spent evenings crying in my pillow after I put the kids to bed. It finally came time to end it, so I did. We discussed it and decided to separate after 15 years of marriage.

But what came out of this was a new found love. While going through all this on my own, I reached out for help, for someone to talk to and one person responded. We became really good friends, everything just kind of clicked with each other and once I was separated, we decided to become an item. She was there to listen to me complain and she listened. She was there when I was questioning everything around me and she put my questions in perspective. She was there when I was down and picked me up. For the first time in a really long time, I felt loved by a woman again. She made me realize how much I was missing by staying in a marriage with someone who didn’t love me. As this year closes, we’ve been together for 7 months now and still going strong.

So what is to come in 2010? Well so far it looks like I’ll be moving into a bigger place in order to accommodate my bigger family as Cheri and her kids will be moving up here this summer. I look forward to mixing our families together and I look forward to being there for Cheri and her kids. I look forward to watching my kids grow more as Samantha will be starting Girl Scouts and playing baseball again. And Trevor will be starting Kindergarten and playing his 1st year of t-ball. I look forward to helping raise Chris and Skyler, whether they feel that I am a step-father to them or not, I want to be there for them in that capacity. And as far as I am concerned, I will have 2 more kids. I really look forward to just being with Cheri on a daily basis.

So as bad as 2009 was, it was also good. 2010 is looking promising, but as most of you know, you always think your future will be better. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. But I look forward to it all the same and remain positive that I’m on the right track with my life and with my kids lives.