Jeff’s blog

As I sit here, in the office of Drivers Training Inc. in Bristol, VA, I find myself thinking I could live here.

I think about my family, who most of them live back in Indiana, and as much as I love them, we do a lot of communicating through text and internet means now so that part wouldn’t change much. I would miss all the parties and get together’s because they are one of the biggest reasons I love my family. We are all so tight and close and we get together enough just to hang out. I would definitely miss my mom, who is always there for me for whatever I need her for. She raised me to be the man I am today and I like to think that she did a pretty good job.

I think about my job, which I do like. I just don’t like some of the people I work with and some of the changes they have made recently have left a sour taste in my mouth. I could definitely walk away from it. I have a few friends there I would miss, but I’m not really that close to anyone. The one person I thought I was close to has proven to me in the past that we aren’t as close as I thought.

I think about my kids, which are the only things keeping me from moving here. If I could, I would bring them in a heartbeat. But a lot would have to happen, I could never take them from their mother for one. I grew up with a single parent and although I had a pretty good childhood, I think no kid should grow up without both parents if at all possible. Obviously there are some exceptions, some parents just never should have had kids but we won’t go into all that. I wouldn’t do that to my kids, or to their mother. I would have to make multiple trips back to Indiana because I know some grandparents who wouldn’t want to go too long without seeing them. And for what I have here, I would definitely be willing to drive back and forth regardless of how often.

And what do I have here you ask? Someone who loves me for me, someone who makes me feel alive again, someone I don’t think i could live without for starters. I feel so at home here, even last night just sprawled out on the couch watching the Colts game. It just feels right. I get along with her kids alright, the son and I get along pretty good. The daughter is a work in progress, I get along with her for the most part, she just does a lot of things towards her mother that I couldn’t just let go. They both do that, but the daughter is the worst at it. I enjoyed going to the sporting events of the kids, the daughter in volleyball and this Saturday she’s in a band competition that I’m looking forward too. The son is in bowling, which is a sport I know, and although we missed most of his games on Saturday morning, I enjoyed watching him and am looking forward to watching him again this coming Saturday.

My girlfriend could use the help and I so want to be the one to help. I do things for her I wouldn’t have done in the past, and by that I mean basics like offering to take the trash out or take the dog out. I see how busy she is and how stressed she gets and I want to do whatever I can to relieve that. I feel that I owe her that much for the way she makes me feel. Which is like I’m the most important person in the world. Just random touches and hugs and kisses. Just the way she doesn’t forget about me when I’m in the room. I catch her watching me and as much as it annoys me to be stared at, it makes me smile that she feels that way about me. She loves me and has no problem telling me or showing me. And as pathetic as I feel that makes me, I need that verification after the last 10 or 15 years I’ve had.

Right now we are just living one day at a time, for the most part we are 600 miles from each other. Which makes the time we have together all that more special. And neither of us care if we are really doing anything, as long as we are doing it together. I hate shopping, yet I’ll go into Walmart or grocery shopping or where ever she goes and just enjoy being with her.

What’s in the future for us? Who knows, I guess my feeling is that when her kids graduate, she’ll move to Indiana until my kids graduate then we’ll both move here. There are many of variables that will go into all that decision making such as her job or major changes elsewhere, but that is how I see it. I’m not sure how she see’s it, I don’t think she’s all that keen on going to Indiana but we’ll see. That’s all at least 3 or 4 years away.

As most of you know, I separated from my wife at the end of last month. On June 30th of this month I moved into my own apartment. I moved in with my clothes, a TV and DVD player and my cell phone, that was pretty much it. I decided to hop in the shower at home so I got all naked and then realized my shower didn’t have a curtain yet. I said screw it and took one anyways. Turns out it didn’t matter that there was no curtain because the tub leaked all over the floor anyways. Afterwords, I went out to Hacienda with my cousins (Phil & Christine)(Kevin & Amanda) and my brother and his wife (Tony & Renee.) Kevin & Amanda live in North Carolina and were up here for the week, I hadn’t seen them in 3 years. We just had an awesome time, us men sat around and reminisce about growing up together while the women say back and laughed at how stupid we were. We were laughing so hard we were crying. It was one of the best evening I’ve had out in a long time. I returned home afterwords and unpacked my clothes and went to bed, or should I say floor. I slept on the floor in the living room the first night.

Wednesday, July 1st – Samantha’s birthday – Got up and went to work as usual. It was a good day, I didn’t get in trouble – lol. At least not bad enough that I remember a week later. After work, I went to the dollar store and picked up a bunch of stuff for the house like a shower curtain, trash cans & bags, soaps, bathroom accessories, toilet paper (main reason for the stop), ect. Put my curtain up and showered and headed to my moms where we were all going to Chuck-E-Cheeses for Samantha’s birthday. If your going to go, go on a Wednesday. It was actually nice, not very many kids and quiet or at least as quiet as a Chuck-E-Cheeses can be. Afterwords, I came home and put away some things my mom had gotten me (glasses, toaster, ect.) and packed my clothes for my trip and then went to sleep on my air mattress in the living room.

Thursday, July 2nd – Went to work for 4 hours. Got out at 11 and hit the bank, topped off the gas tank and grabbed some lunch at Long John Silvers and headed out for Virginia. Wasn’t nearly as bad of a trip as I thought it would be. Made it down in 9 hours, got a police escort for most of the way between Fort Wayne and Indianapolis. There was cop traveling down and there were about 20 or 30 of us behind him, nobody wanting to pass him. Eventually people started figuring out that he was just traveling like the rest of us. I ended up passing him doing 10mph over the speed limit at the time. Later, I topped 100mph at one point of the trip. But for the most part averaged around 85-90mph. Made it all the way without a problem until I got within 20 miles from Cheri’s then missed a turn. Eventually I got there after a few phone calls to Cheri. It was great just to hear her voice, let alone grab her and hold her when I got there. We sat down for some supper and talked. We weren’t sure how to talk without typing but we managed – lol. I showered and then we went to bed and cuddled and talked for awhile.

Friday, July 3rd – Woke up gradually, man it was nice just to sleep in. Had some breakfast and then Cheri, Skyler and I went to cruise the big city of Bristol. Ended up at an antique place so Skyler could show Cheri a table. We walked through the whole place and as much as I don’t want anything to do with antiques, I had a really good time. Just walking around with Cheri and joking around with Skyler, everything just felt natural, like I was supposed to be there. Afterwords, we were heading back home and Chris called wanting to get out of the house, so we picked him up and went bowling. Chris, Skyler and I bowled while Cheri just sat and cheered us on (with a camera, no big surprise there.) Had a really great time, again, just felt natural. Chris and Skyler were choosing our music, I had to give my money to Chris though because he likes the same as me. Afterwords we went back and hung out at the house for a little bit until I got my surprise. Cheri was taking me to a Bristol White Sox game with fireworks afterwords. Chris went with us as well. We took chairs and sat on the hillside. It was great, 2 of my greatest loves, Cheri and baseball. Watched the Sox beat the minor league team of the Cardinals 5-1 before they started the fireworks. I think Cheri watched all the people going by, not sure if she knew there was a game going on – lol. Of course, she knew about half of them too. Chris went and hung out with his friends so it ended up being Cheri and I for almost the whole game. I think Cheri was worried that I wasn’t having fun because of the ballpark but I truly had a great time, I don’t think she knows how much I appreciated her sitting with me at a game. Afterwords we hit Taco Bell then home.

Saturday, July 4th – Independence Day – Got up a little later than we planned. Eventually got around and went and picked up Chris and headed for the Breaks Interstate Park. It was about an hour and a half away. Half that distance was on windy 2 lane roads, it was great. Once we got there we hit the trails and hiked for awhile. Great scenery, love the mountains. Had an absolutely wonderful time. Hiking in the mountains is one of my favorite things to do. Hiking with the one you love was even better. After we eventually wore ourselves out, we headed back home, I stayed awake in the car, barely. Went back home, changed, and went out to Cheri’s parents house for supper. Sat down for supper, I apparently passed a mom test by eating a salad with my meal. Then we lit off some fireworks. I had a good time here as well. Went home and I kicked back on the couch while Cheri was on the Internet and once again, just felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Sunday, July 5th – Got up a lot later than planned, not that I’m complaining. Packed up all my stuff, including all the stuff Cheri got me. Procrastinated long enough to have some lunch and watch the first inning of the Sox game. I hated leaving. I had such a great time even when we were doing everyday stuff. All 3 of them made me feel like I was part of their family. It was a very relaxed weekend, I never felt nervous meeting Skyler (I had already met Chris) and I was never nervous at their place, like it was home. I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend. Eventually I left and headed home, took me awhile as I hit crappy weather all the way to Kentucky where the weather cleared but I hit a traffic jam about 60 miles south of Lexington where it took me about an hour to travel 5 miles. About half way home my stereo went out on my car. Cheri claims all this was telling me I shouldn’t have left, like it wasn’t hard enough to leave. I ended up getting home around 1am and crashed on my air mattress.

Monday and Tuesday, July 6th and 7th – Now that I’m back home, I put away all the stuff that I got from Cheri (crock pot, pots and pans, silverware, cups, bowls, dishes, ect) and all the stuff my family has collected has now been delivered. I brought over the computer and computer desk from the house along with the recliner (it’s so nice to not have to sit on the toilet to put my shoes on). My mom picked up a love seat and chair for free at a garage sale. My brother brought over an old coffee table and end table. My mom picked up a queen sized box spring and mattress so I now officially have furniture in the bedroom. So in short, my living room is complete (would like to get a different TV stand though). My kitchen is pretty much complete. Bathroom only needs a few small items and I have to hang my clothes. Kids rooms have nothing as of yet but at the rate my family and friends are hooking me up, it shouldn’t be long.

For those who don’t know, my wife and I of 15 years have split up. It was a mutual decision. Some of you have a hard time figuring out what this means. It means that we both decided a split was in the best interest of both of us. There was no fight, no harsh words, no yelling, beating down or anything else like that. We sat down, discussed, and came to the decision. I think this had been coming for a few years now. We have split up before for the exact same reasons. She has her problems with me, I have my problems with her, it’s obvious that neither is going to change. We’ve tried to work on our issues before, it lasts a few weeks and then we go back to being ourselves. We are both ok with this decision, we both still want what is best for each other. We just don’t have it for each other. It’s cliche, but it explains it the best, we love each other but we’re not in love with each other. The kids will be fine, we’re not disputing over anything. Right now, Tina has them mornings that she doesn’t have school, otherwise babysitters. I still have them every evening. We’ll switch on weekends but those aren’t set in stone. If she needs them and I have no plans during my weekend then she can have them, I think she will be the same way. It doesn’t really matter what most people think about this situation, it is what it is.

The next situation that I would like to discuss, is Cheri. Cheri would be the girl that I am currently in a relationship with. OH MY GOD, IT’S ONLY BEEN 2 DAYS!!! That about sum up your reaction? I started talking to Cheri a few months ago when I was going through some other stuff not involving Tina but other family issues. We hit it off from the start, I wasn’t even sure why I was telling her what I was but she said all the right things and helped me get through that time. We kept talking, I bitched about my home life (as well as work) and she kept urging me to keep trying with Tina. But Tina and I have seperated in the past over the same reasons and nothing changes. Eventually I saw how unhappy I was and decided I wanted to seperate. Meanwhile, Cheri and I were getting closer and closer. She lives out of state so that’s all it was, was talking. She came into town on Memorial Day weekend and we got together, and it was like we’ve been best friends all our lives. The time we spent together i didn’t want to end. I stayed over a few nights but nothing happened. She respected my wishes of nothing happening until Tina and I could talk. Of course, it doesn’t look that way because I stayed over but that’s what happened. So to recap, Tina and I were already pretty much done before Cheri came along we just didn’t realize it yet. Cheri makes me happy and makes me feel like I am someone again, it’s been awhile since I’ve had that. So when Tina and I talked on Saturday night and came to our agreement, I told her about Cheri and that I was going to pursue a relationship with her. She said it was fine and that’s where I’m at. It wasn’t some torrid love affair going on this whole time under Tina’s nose. If you can’t accept what I’m telling you, that’s fine, I don’t really care. But it is what it is.

Hello all, as you can tell, I decided to start a blog. The main reason is because Cheryl is making me (lol, j/k.) This first post is just going to describe what to expect from me as I travel down this new venture. Awhile back, I blogged on yahoo360 and did a little on myspace as well but got bored with it. Recently I came across my yahoo360 page and was reading the blogs. It wasn’t anything really interesting in content but it did remind me of things my kids have done and things like that. Sorta like a “secret public journal” – birbigs. So that is essentially what to expect, as the title says “A Day in the Life of Me.” I can’t guarantee it’ll be interesting, I can guarantee it’ll be about me and my family. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get good at it and it’ll be interesting to all of you too – lol.

So stay tuned and we’ll see how this goes. I have to go make supper now and then run to the library but I will try to post an actual post tonight.

For quick updates to what I’m doing, you can follow me on twitter – http://www.twitter.com/jlaws13 as well.